


New Beginnings

by Itbelikethatsometimes



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Ouch, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:48:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23697232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itbelikethatsometimes/pseuds/Itbelikethatsometimes
Summary: He was so close to having it all back. Then, he lost it. Tony sacrificed himself. His life could never be the same again.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Or: It's right after the final battle against Thanos. Peter is struggling to accept Tony's death.Or: A lot of whump and sad peter:(
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WOW!!! Thank you guys so much for 4000 reads on The Source!! it's crazy to know so many people have read what I wrote! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this new series. I know I'm giving you blue balls for Lockdown, but it's coming soon! I promise.

Peter felt sick. He hadn’t felt ok since the snap. For a second he had everything back. Tony, the avengers. His life seemed to be back to normal. Or as close to normal as his life could be. He was so close to having it all back. Then, he lost it. Tony sacrificed himself. His life could never be the same again. After the battle, Peter went to his guest room in the cottage. He was sitting on his bed just staring at the floor. He just couldn’t fathom a world without Iron Man. He didn’t want to bother Pepper or Happy or anyone really. He knew that they were all much closer to Tony than he had been. He thought it best to just stay out of their way for a while. 

He jumped in the shower to get the smell of alien blood and dirt off him. It was huge. The biggest shower he’s ever been in. It was soothing. He always liked taking steaming hot showers after a long night of patrolling. It wasn’t quite as relaxing as he had hoped. It was hard to not focus on the thought pressing against his brain.

He’s dead. He’s not coming back.

Peter couldn’t keep the tears back. He buried his face in his hands. Even in the shower, he was embarrassed to cry. He just hated how weak he felt. He felt hopeless. A world without Iron Man seemed impossible. Whenever he was scared as a kid, he knew Iron Man would show up and save him. But now, he was scared. And Iron Man couldn’t save him. Peter sat on the floor of the shower. He seemed to do that a lot since the bite. He just couldn’t stand for any longer. 

There was a knock on the door.

“Yea?” Peter called.

“Just checking up on you,” Pepper said. “We hadn’t heard from you in a while.”

“I’m ok, thanks, Ms. Pots.”

He looked at the time. He had been in the shower for almost 30 minutes. He turned off the water and dried off. He wiped the fog off the mirror and looked at his reflection. His face was covered in bruises. It was the first time he had seen himself in 5 years. He didn’t remember anything from those 5 years. It was like he fell asleep and woke up in the future. He remembered how it felt though. To have his body blown away to dust. He pushed that thought away. It was bad enough with just one horrific memory. He didn’t have to bring up others. 

He made his way back to his room and got dressed. Pepper had laid out some old clothes for him. The second Peter saw them he knew they were Tony’s. It was his Black Sabbath teeshirt. Peter’s eyes welled up with tears. He held them back. He put the shirt on. It was too big. Of course, it didn’t fit. It was like a bad metaphor. Peter put the rest of the clothes on. He felt like a kid dressing up in adult clothes. He shrugged on the sweater Pepper laid out and moved to his phone. He hadn’t turned it on since he went to space. He picked it up and moved it around in his hand. Was Ned still alive? Did he get dusted? Is he five years older than me now? Is May alive? What happened to my apartment? Do I still have a school? Has the world moved on? Did my teachers forget about me? Did May forget about me?  
His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Cap walked in. 

“You ok?” He said standing in the doorway.

Peter nodded still staring at his phone.

“You sure?” 

Peter took a shaky breath. Cap walked over to the bed and sat beside him. He put a hand on Peter’s shoulder. Just like Tony did the day they met.

“You did some great work out there today,” He said. “Couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Thanks,” Peter said weakly.

“Your Aunt called,” He said changing the subject. 

Peter looked up.

“She’s ok. We sent someone for her.”

Peter sighed. That’s one less thing for him to worry about.

“You know… I’m not the best at the whole talking about feelings thing. That’s more Sam’s deal. But, you can always talk to me or the other Avengers about it… I know you two were close.”

Peter nodded. “Thank you,” He said faking a smile. 

Cap patted his shoulder a few times before leaving the room. 

Peter continued to stare at his phone. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know if Ned was ok or not yet. He decided to wait. He could only handle one thing at a time. 

After a while of Peter laying in bed staring at the ceiling, Pepper called him for dinner. Pepper was a great cook and surprisingly well at holding herself together. She seemed happy despite everything. Peter served himself some food, thanked Pepper for dinner, and returned to his bedroom. He couldn’t stand to sit through the awkward silence of the other avengers. Peter put his plate down and sat on his bed. He realized he wasn’t hungry. He laid down in bed and tried to fall asleep. It took him a while until he was actually tired, however. Once he was just about the fall asleep, there was a knock on the door. Peter turned around in bed. May was standing in front of the door. She was giving him a watery smile. 

Peter stood from the bed and buried himself in her arms.

“I thought I lost you,” She said through sobs.

“I’m ok May,” Peter replied. “Really.”

“Don’t tell me you went on that ship,” She said pulling away.

Peter didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t lie to her. But, he didn’t want her to worry. Apparently, his hesitation was enough information.

“Oh god… Peter, you didn’t.”

“I’m sorry. I had to! Mr. Stark got on and he gave me this new suit and I just thought about shooting a web and the suit just did-” 

May raised her hand to silence him. “I’d rather not hear about it right now.”

There was an awkward pause. They hadn’t seen each other in 5 years and somehow they had absolutely nothing to talk about. 

“I’m glad you’re ok,” Peter said breaking the silence.

May’s face beamed. She seemed to glow at that. Tears welled up in her eyes. She threw herself around Peter once again sobbing into his shirt. Peter couldn’t help but giggle a bit. He held her tight until her breathing evened out. She pulled away and sniffled a bit. She wiped her eyes and looked at Peter again.

“Pepper has something for you to wear tomorrow in the closet,” She said.

“Why? What’s tomorrow?” Peter asked.

“Oh honey,” May said. Her face seemed to droop a bit. “Tomorrow is the funeral…”

“Oh…” That’s all Peter could say. He had forgotten that people do that. Have funerals. 

“It’s gonna be ok,” May said brushing some of Peter’s curls out of his face.

“Yea I know… I think I’m gonna go to bed now.” 

“Ok,” May replied with a sorrowful smile. “Love you!” 

“Love you too,” Peter said as May gently slid the door closed behind her.

Peter let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He forgot that the funeral was tomorrow. He ran his hands through his hair. He was going to have to go. Peter took another deep breath before collapsing on the bed. He was more exhausted than he thought. He tried to relax. He steadied his breath and closed his eyes. He was out like a light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The dust finally settled. Peter stood on a piece of debris to try to get a clear look at the others. He saw Mantis and Drax both turn to dust. He ran down the pile of rocks just in time to see Quill and Dr. Strange turn to dust as well. A loud growl of pain erupted all over. He felt sick. He felt like he had been shot over and over until there was none of his body left. 

“Mr. Stark? I don’t feel so good,” He said. 

“Are you alright?” Tony responded. He seemed to rush the words a bit like he was trying to convince Peter to be ok.

“I don’t know- I don’t know what’s happening…” Peter’s legs gave out and he landed on Tony. He knew what was happening. It was the same thing that happened to Quill and Strange. He was turning into dust. He held onto Tony as if it would keep him alive. “I don’t wanna go. I don’t wanna go… Sir please, please I don’t wanna go… I don’t wanna go…” He was sobbing now. He knew his fate but he couldn’t face it. His feet dissolved into dust. He became too heavy for Tony to carry. They both collapsed onto the ground. Peter knew he couldn’t stop it now. He looked at Tony for what he thought would be the last time. “I’m sorry.” Was all he said. And he meant it. He was sorry for everything. For getting on the ship, for disobeying him. But, most of all, he was sorry for giving up. He should have kept fighting the dust. Fighting the pain. But, he couldn’t. And he was sorry. 

He closed his eyes and let the darkness consume him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter ran through the disintegrating aliens toward the crater where Tony had just used the stones. Peter saw Rhodey leaning over something propped up against a pile of rubble. Tony... Peter slowed as he got a look at him. His whole left side was burnt. He looked torn apart. His eyes were glassy and he was breathing in short shallow breaths. His skin looked almost chalky. Peter ran beside him.

“Hey… Mr. Stark? Can you hear me?” Peter asked. His breathing picked up as Tony’s eyes seemed to look right passed him. “It’s Peter,” He said frantically. “Hey… We won… Mr. Stark? We won. You did it sir- you did it… I’m sorry, Tony” Rhodey gently pulled Peter away as Pepper went to say goodbye. Peter sobbed quietly. He watched as Tony’s eyes met with Pepper’s. How he looked so relieved to see her. How he listened to her when she told him to rest. Tony’s eyes closed. Peter buried his face in his hands. He had to live in a world without Iron Man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter opened his eyes. He was in his guest room at the cottage. He shut his eyes tight. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He took in a shaky breath and sat up. His head snapped to the left when he saw movement. A little girl was standing in the doorway. It was Morgan.

“Uhh, hi,” Peter said with a fake smile. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“I’m not tired,” She replied. “I could hear you…”

“What?”

“I could hear you talking in your sleep. You were talking to my daddy.”

“You could hear me? Sorry I’ll be quiet.”

“What were you saying to him?” She asked. 

“Uhh, we were talking about physics.”

“What’s physics?”

“It’s a type of science.”

“Can you teach me?” 

“Sure…” He patted the bed beside him. Her face lit up as she ran towards him and climbed up onto the bed beside him. Peter searched his brain for an easy physics lesson. He decided to teach her about vehicular motion. Something that would put her to sleep. He began to explain Newton’s laws when Morgan yawned and rested her head on Peter’s stomach. Peter smiled and continued talking in a hushed voice. After a while of talking, Peter started to feel a bit tired too. He asked FRIDAY to turn off the lights and fell asleep quickly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a bit shorter than usual but it was just kinda hard to write cuz it made me so sad. But, there'll be more chapters soon!

When Peter opened his eyes, he saw Morgan still fast asleep against his chest. He cracked a smile and gently slid out from under her. He tiptoed from the bed into the bathroom and hopped into the shower. The cold water woke him up. It was refreshing. After last night, he could hardly remember what he was so stressed about. Once he got out of the shower, he saw that Morgan was gone. There was a black garment bag laid on the bed with a note.

Tony wanted you to wear this at the wedding… I hope it still fits.  
Pepper.

Peter unzipped the bag and saw a beautiful suit. It must have been really expensive. Peter’s eyes stung with tears as he realized what the suit was for. Peter had told Tony that he had never been to a wedding. He had only been to funerals. So, Peter only had one suit. His funeral suit. When Tony heard this, he sent Happy out to get Peter a suit to wear to weddings. But, now this suit would be a funeral suit too. Peter held back his tears and donned to suit. It fit perfectly. Happy had taken Peter to a tailor to get a fitting. Peter brushed the memories off and slowly left his room.

As he was walking to the living room, he heard a voice. It was unmistakably Tony’s. Peter dashed down the hallway until he saw it. A hologram recording of Mr. Stark. Pepper, Morgan, Happy, Cap, and Thor were all watching. Peter’s heart sank as May approached him. 

“Let’s go wait outside,” She said, taking his hand. Peter nodded and followed her. They walked out onto the dock outside and waited for the funeral to begin. No one dared to say anything. The only sound came from the lake. The gentle rush of the water was calming to Peter. It was a nice contrast to the previous battle. The doors gently opened and out walked Pepper. She was holding something in her hand. But, Peter couldn’t see it properly. Pepper was leading Morgan down the stairs. They were followed close behind by Cap, Thor, Happy, and Rhodey. They all made their way to the dock. Pepper gave Peter a small smile. She crouched down and placed the object in her hand onto the surface of the lake. It was Tony’s old arc reactor. Peter took a deep breath. He wasn’t expecting that. On the edges, it said, “proof that Tony Stark has a heart”.

Peter felt May put a hand on his shoulder. It was like she could hear his thoughts. He was glad she could. He was so close to falling apart. That one small gesture just reminded him he’ll be ok. It reminded him of where he was. Who he was with. He needed to be strong. For the other Avengers. For Pepper and Morgan. For Tony.

After the funeral was the hardest part. Everyone gathered in the kitchen and living room and talked about Tony. Peter tried his hardest to avoid these conversations. But, surely every few minutes, someone would approach him and ask about heir relationship. It was just like Ben’s funeral. Peter wanted to leave. But, he didn’t want to be disrespectful. So, he wandered around the house avoiding anyone who hadn’t already spoken to him.

He eventually ended up in the kitchen. He saw a small shelf on the wall that he hadn’t noticed earlier. There was a picture of Mr. Stark’s father, a few plants, and something in the very back. It was a picture. Peter couldn’t see it properly. He reached behind the plants and pulled it out. It was a picture of Peter and Tony. They were holding the Stark Internship diploma. Of course, they were holding it upside down. Peter remembered how he caught Mr. Stark doing the bunny ears for him. So, Peter joined in. He remembered how much they laughed when they saw it. Peter’s eyes filled with tears. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked around and to his surprise saw Pepper. For the first time since the battle, She had tears in her eyes. Peter noticed how red her eyes were. How tired she looked. 

“He really cared about you,” She said.

“What?”

“The first thing he told us when he got off that spaceship was that he lost you.” 

The pit in Peter’s stomach got deeper.

“He never told anyone this but, he only figured out the whole time travel thing because he wanted you back.”

Peter didn’t know how to respond to that. He never thought that Tony cared about him that much. Somehow that made him feel worse. Peter reached to put the picture back. Pepper gently grabbed his hand and led it away from the shelf. 

“Why don’t you keep it?” She said not really asking.

“Are you sure?”

“He’d want you to have it.”

He turned to Pepper and gave her a watery smile. He made his way out of the kitchen and out onto the dock. He sat on the bench and took a deep breath. This whole thing was exhausting. He felt like he could fall asleep and wake up three days from now. The sound of the lake calmed him down again. Still, it was hard not to focus on everything. He had no clue how he was going to get back to reality after all the shit that happened in the last two days. (technically five years). He was just so tired. He zoned out starting at the greenish water. He was fascinated by the way it moved. Or at least he pretended to be. He just didn’t want to get dragged back inside. 

After a few minutes, someone sat down beside him. Peter didn’t bother to look up.

“You want a cheeseburger?”

That was not what Peter was expecting. He thought he was going to get the usual “How did you know Tony?” This was a nice change of pace already.

“What?” Peter said tearing his eyes from the water. It was Happy. He looked tired. Just like Ms. Potts. 

“Morgan and I are gonna go get some cheeseburgers. I know you haven’t eaten much since…” He seemed to regret starting that sentence. “I thought you might be hungry. Five years and no food you know?” His voice trailed off. He was ranting. Peter had never seen Happy this way. It hurt. He was always so sure of what he was doing and who he was doing it with. It was strange to see him grasping for something to do. 

“Uhh, yeah I’ll tag along…” Peter was so grateful. He would do anything to get out of here. Even though he wasn’t in the slightest bit hungry. Happy rose to his feet and held out his hand for Peter. He accepted and pulled himself up. They retreated back to the house and grabbed Morgan. They made their way to the car and piled in. As Peter was about to get in the back, Happy stopped him.   
“Why don’t you sit up front with me?” He asked.

Peter was confused by this. Happy never let anyone sit in the front with him. It was always a security thing. Tony wouldn’t even sit in the front. Peter thought it would be best to just go with it. He nodded and climbed into the front. It was weird. He had never sat up there. He felt a bit uncomfortable. Like Happy was watching him. Peter looked in the mirror. Morgan was resting her head against the window and gazing at the passing cars. She didn’t look sad. But, she didn’t seem happy. Somewhere in the middle. Peter was slightly jealous. He wished he could feel better. But, he felt like he would never be ok ever again.

Happy pulled through the drive-through and began ordering. Morgan’s face lit up a bit as she was handed her happy meal. Peter gave Happy a fake smile and accepted his burger. They all sat in silence and ate. The only thing breaking the thick tension was the low jazzy music coming from the radio. Peter finished his burger and carefully crumpled the wrapper into a ball. He dropped it into the bag and held it out for Happy. He crumpled his wrapper and tossed it in the bag as well. Happy pulled the car out of the parking lot as Morgan finished the last of her fries. 

Peter’s stomach rolled as they approached the cottage. He didn’t want to return to the questions and the atmosphere of mourning. Happy parked the car and they all climbed out. Peter hesitated slightly as Morgan and Happy led the way back to the house. Peter squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t feel good. His heart was beating a bit too fast. His lungs forgot how to breathe. He leaned onto the car to stop himself from collapsing on the driveway. He heard a shuffling on the gravel. He opened his eyes as he felt a tiny hand wrap around his. Morgan was standing beside him. She was smiling up at him. Peter’s heart swelled. He took a deep breath and steadied himself. He could do this.

He could do this...


End file.
